All of This: A Memoir of Death and Desire
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- Create Date：2022-08-19 07:21:37
- Update Date：2025-09-06
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- Author：Rebecca Woolf
- ISBN：B0953LXLRR
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Summary
A beautifully written "grief-and-relief" memoir that addresses difficult truths we're afraid to admit about death， marriage， sex， and how the loss of a partner can lead to rebirth。
You don't know what kind of parent you're going to be until you have children。 You don't know what kind of wife you're going to be until years into your marriage。 And you don't know what kind of widow you're going to be until you leave the death bed of your spouse and begin a different life。
Rebecca and Hal had a normal marriage。 Four kids， a house， jobs that paid the bills。 They also had resentment that sometimes teetered on hatred， years of no sex， a handful of affairs， and long-simmering anger。
Then one night， Hal felt knots in his stomach。 Several doctor appointments later， he discovered he had stage four pancreatic cancer， and four months later， he was dead。 He was 44。
All of This chronicles the months before Hal's death--and Rebecca's rebirth after he was gone。 With incredible honesty， Rebecca reflects on how her husband's illness finally gave her the space to make peace with his humanity and her own: to love and to loathe him; to celebrate and criticize him， and finally， to forgive him and herself for escaping a marriage they no longer wanted。
Compelling and brilliantly nuanced， All of This is one woman's story of what it means to be a mother， a widow， and a sexual being， finding freedom on the other side of a relationship that nearly broke her。
You don't know what kind of parent you're going to be until you have children。 You don't know what kind of wife you're going to be until years into your marriage。 And you don't know what kind of widow you're going to be until you leave the death bed of your spouse and begin a different life。
Rebecca and Hal had a normal marriage。 Four kids， a house， jobs that paid the bills。 They also had resentment that sometimes teetered on hatred， years of no sex， a handful of affairs， and long-simmering anger。
Then one night， Hal felt knots in his stomach。 Several doctor appointments later， he discovered he had stage four pancreatic cancer， and four months later， he was dead。 He was 44。
All of This chronicles the months before Hal's death--and Rebecca's rebirth after he was gone。 With incredible honesty， Rebecca reflects on how her husband's illness finally gave her the space to make peace with his humanity and her own: to love and to loathe him; to celebrate and criticize him， and finally， to forgive him and herself for escaping a marriage they no longer wanted。
Compelling and brilliantly nuanced， All of This is one woman's story of what it means to be a mother， a widow， and a sexual being， finding freedom on the other side of a relationship that nearly broke her。
Reviews
Elly
，
It feels vulnerable to read someone else’s truths， like this。 Like you’re peeping at something you shouldn’t see， and I wonder how much of it is because of societies unwritten expectations， the ones that are in the air we breath in and assimilate， so when you read something as raw as this - the unashamed here-is-my-truth that is so contrary to façades that are expected… it feels vulnerable and powerful and a little woah。 Read it in two sittings， I picked it up with curiosity about a blogger I’ve It feels vulnerable to read someone else’s truths， like this。 Like you’re peeping at something you shouldn’t see， and I wonder how much of it is because of societies unwritten expectations， the ones that are in the air we breath in and assimilate， so when you read something as raw as this - the unashamed here-is-my-truth that is so contrary to façades that are expected… it feels vulnerable and powerful and a little woah。 Read it in two sittings， I picked it up with curiosity about a blogger I’ve followed for years， but also then as I got through it， the curiosity about death and grief and their unhappy marriage and their family， the behind the scenes realities， but as I read something morphed from the initial fascination， into being a witness to her truth。 Anyway， I felt all sorts of complexities and took moments of reflection， around marriages and relationships and death and grief。 It’s one of those kind of books， hey。 I wish I’d taken longer to read it， taken longer to absorb and consider， but hey ho。 It’s messy but beautifully and unapologetically written。 。。。more
Anne
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Beautifully written。 I have always enjoyed Rebecca’s writing from when I first began to read her Girls Gone Child columns。 Her descriptions are always amazing！I liked the first half of the book best， though it was very painful。 For anyone who has been with someone as their body shuts down， it will all come back to you。 For those that haven’t been through that yet， maybe it is a glimpse into that in between world one enters as you go as far as you can with your loved one。 The rest of the world do Beautifully written。 I have always enjoyed Rebecca’s writing from when I first began to read her Girls Gone Child columns。 Her descriptions are always amazing！I liked the first half of the book best， though it was very painful。 For anyone who has been with someone as their body shuts down， it will all come back to you。 For those that haven’t been through that yet， maybe it is a glimpse into that in between world one enters as you go as far as you can with your loved one。 The rest of the world doesn’t matter; just their comfort and your feeling like that is where you need to be。The second half of the book made me wish I were part of a book club and this was the book of the month！ I think it could lead to fascinating discussions！！ It begs to be talked about。 Rebecca does an excellent job of making you think about your life。 We’re all entitled to our opinions; what are yours about this subject？ Enjoy the read and talk with friends。 。。。more
Jennifer Griffor
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Took All of This out of the box， sat down and read it through in one long sitting with the box sitting next to me。 I loved this story — such a rich and bittersweet soup of a difficult marriage， family， death， rebirth， sex， and freedom。 I used to follow Rebecca Woolf’s blog （and all the “mommy bloggers”） years ago in my young mom days， but drifted as my kids got older and I turned away from my imaginary online friends。 Woolf’s writing was good then， for sure， but has grown 100 times better。 All o Took All of This out of the box， sat down and read it through in one long sitting with the box sitting next to me。 I loved this story — such a rich and bittersweet soup of a difficult marriage， family， death， rebirth， sex， and freedom。 I used to follow Rebecca Woolf’s blog （and all the “mommy bloggers”） years ago in my young mom days， but drifted as my kids got older and I turned away from my imaginary online friends。 Woolf’s writing was good then， for sure， but has grown 100 times better。 All of This rocked me。 。。。more
Corina
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I felt a little lost in the last third， like I couldn’t quite follow Woolf’s train of thought， but her honestly is bracing and her perspective is so unique。
Louise Foerster
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Hypnotic and thought-provoking， Rebecca Woolf's memoir ALL OF THIS is that unforgettable， grab-you-by-the-heart-and-not-let-go read that kept me up too late reading -- her beautiful prose kept me hurtling through the harrowing end days of her marriage， her husband's death， and life afterwards。 Without that beautiful， calm perspective， I don't know that I could have managed the piercing insights and nagging reminders of our own mortality and the imperfect love and life we live as best we can。 I w Hypnotic and thought-provoking， Rebecca Woolf's memoir ALL OF THIS is that unforgettable， grab-you-by-the-heart-and-not-let-go read that kept me up too late reading -- her beautiful prose kept me hurtling through the harrowing end days of her marriage， her husband's death， and life afterwards。 Without that beautiful， calm perspective， I don't know that I could have managed the piercing insights and nagging reminders of our own mortality and the imperfect love and life we live as best we can。 I will never forget this book。 I received a copy of this book and these opinions are my own， unbiased thoughts。 。。。more
Ana
，
Thank you NetGalley and Harper One for a digital ARC。 I feel conflicted about how to rate and review this memoir。 I have been reading Rebecca Woolf's writing since the start of the mommy blogging days。 Part of the conflict I feel is that I feel duped and lied to as a reader and fan of her work。 It is as if years of reading her writing about marriage and parenting has all been a lie， a show， and now this memoir is the real story， the real writer。。。 So with that context it has been hard for me to Thank you NetGalley and Harper One for a digital ARC。 I feel conflicted about how to rate and review this memoir。 I have been reading Rebecca Woolf's writing since the start of the mommy blogging days。 Part of the conflict I feel is that I feel duped and lied to as a reader and fan of her work。 It is as if years of reading her writing about marriage and parenting has all been a lie， a show， and now this memoir is the real story， the real writer。。。 So with that context it has been hard for me to settle on how I feel about the book。 Some of these topics have been alluded to and mildly addressed in her social media and blogging， but just a taste here or there and not the full truth。 The writing is good。 It isn't great。 There are repetitive statements and conversational language that doesn't feel right: use of the "because， X" statements for example。 "Because， grief。" There are sections in italics that I am not sure why they are in italics。 There are jumps back and forth in time which feel like an editors suggestion （you need to give back story here and here）。 And the end sort of fizzles out which is ok because that is what grief does and we don't always have a MOMENT that brings things "full circle。" in life。 Although that phrase， full circle， is thrown about in the book several times at the beginning and so I was expecting that theme to appear in the ending of the book。 I also wonder if I didn't know the author's family structure and life story from her blog and Instagram if I would have such a rich picture of who they are， for example， there's no description of what the children look like， only vague descriptions of what Hal and the author look like。。。 but I know what they look like from seeing images online for over a decade。 Topically I found the first half of the book powerful and well executed。 The idea of caring for and then grieving for a person you wanted to divorce is a conflict that is a difficult to talk about in "normal" society。 I have personal experience with a loss of an ex as a young person （24） and I was treated like a widow despite our breakup weeks before。 I know how hard it can be to live with that legacy of being the last person who was supposed to love that person more than your own life。。。 Despite that I found the gritty descriptions of her lack of self care and hygiene distressing， for example， underwear and clothing she did not change for 4 or 5 days。 I have worked as a hospice/end-of-life nurse of many years and I kept thinking: what are the nurses doing？， why aren't they supporting her？" and also her friends and family， who were so wonderful at stepping up for her and her kids， why are they not helping her care for herself too？ The second half of the book expounds on how Woolf grieved for her own loss of staying in a marriage that was not right for her for 13 or so years， 4 months after her husband dies。 And that there are so many women who stay in marriages that they are not happy in and they should scream freedom from MEN and leave them。 How much she likes casual sex and how there can be intimacy in a single sexual encounter。 This part of the book felt like a list of sexual exploits and it felt cringy that her children would probably read about how she snuck out of the house in the rain to fuck someone under the eaves of her house while her children slept inside or that brief illusion that she asks partners to choke her during sex， or how she was unfaithful in her marriage。 As much as she talks about being honest with her children this felt。。。 not quite right。 There is truth and then there is this。。。 Maybe truth is talking about how this felt， why she needed this type of sexual encounter， what it fulfilled in her， how it changed her relationship with herself， etc。 Self reflection is hard to do without time and distance。 It made this part of the book as messy and disjointed as Woolf writes about feeling - I argue that with distance and introspection you can write about a messy experience without messy and disjointed language。 Despite all of that I found the memoir provocative， complex， genuine， and memorable。 It is writing I will think about in the future when navigating relationships。 The balance between self care， meeting my own needs and wants， and compromise。。。。 。。。more
Aiya
，
This book is phenomenal。 Rebecca Woolf is such a talented writer and her story is so unapologetically hers。 This book has some major trigger warnings associated with it （descriptions of emotional abuse and sexual assault/violence） but I don’t think it should scare readers off。 The journey of Woolf finding her freedom after her husband’s death is a bold one。 As I was reading I just kept thinking， how many women feel this exact way and never get the chance to grieve in the way that works for them。 This book is phenomenal。 Rebecca Woolf is such a talented writer and her story is so unapologetically hers。 This book has some major trigger warnings associated with it （descriptions of emotional abuse and sexual assault/violence） but I don’t think it should scare readers off。 The journey of Woolf finding her freedom after her husband’s death is a bold one。 As I was reading I just kept thinking， how many women feel this exact way and never get the chance to grieve in the way that works for them。 Her story of rediscovering herself， of her identity as a widow who hated her husband and was going to divorce him anyway， is such an important one for all the women out there stuck in unhappy marriages。 Memoirs are always deeply personal， but Woolf took it to another level。 Their story is so impactful。 Everybody should read this book。 。。。more
Sharon May
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Many thanks to NetGalley and Harper Collins Harper One for gifting me a digital ARC of this honest and moving memoir by Rebecca Woolf - 4。5 stars rounded up！Rebecca stayed in her marriage with husband， Hal， mostly for her four children。 But two weeks after she finally told Hal she wanted a divorce， he was diagnosed with Stage 4 pancreatic cancer at age 44 and was dead 4 months later。 With her husband's blessing， Rebecca （one of the first mommy bloggers） writes the story of those 4 months as well Many thanks to NetGalley and Harper Collins Harper One for gifting me a digital ARC of this honest and moving memoir by Rebecca Woolf - 4。5 stars rounded up！Rebecca stayed in her marriage with husband， Hal， mostly for her four children。 But two weeks after she finally told Hal she wanted a divorce， he was diagnosed with Stage 4 pancreatic cancer at age 44 and was dead 4 months later。 With her husband's blessing， Rebecca （one of the first mommy bloggers） writes the story of those 4 months as well as her life afterwards， with total honesty。This was a real look at a different kind of grief， the kind that no one talks about。 When the fact that a loved one has died brings more relief than it does sorrow。 Rebecca has a wonderful writing style and brings you along on her journey， being open about affairs， anger， relief， hope， and new beginnings。 I loved the joy they shared and the open communication she had with her children， even if doesn't go along with the normal sharing。 But that's the point of this whole book to me - we are all on different journeys and process our worlds differently。 This is a look into someone else's normal。 It was also a big nod to all the friends that Rebecca was blessed with who did so much for her and her family during this time。 They are all admirable people and we should all be so lucky to be surrounded by such support。 。。。more
Drea
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My God - what a beautifully-written， complex， raw memoir。 I related to and felt so much kinship with the author while reading her gorgeous words。 Perfect - and I mean perfect - for a book discussion group。 You’ll talk and share for hours。 I dog eared so many pages in this one to share with my friends。 Brava！ Heartfelt thanks to Harper Collins for the advanced copy！
Barbara （The Bibliophage）
，
Originally published on my book blog， TheBibliophage。com。4。5 stars rounded upRebecca Woolf creates a complex yet vulnerable tale in All of This: A Memoir of Death and Desire。 How do these two topics intertwine， you ask？ And Woolf answers this question in spades。 Her marriage was far from perfect， but they stayed together。 Then doctors diagnose her husband with stage four terminal cancer。 What follows is as much about the death as how Woolf reconciles her conflicting emotions。The diagnosis happen Originally published on my book blog， TheBibliophage。com。4。5 stars rounded upRebecca Woolf creates a complex yet vulnerable tale in All of This: A Memoir of Death and Desire。 How do these two topics intertwine， you ask？ And Woolf answers this question in spades。 Her marriage was far from perfect， but they stayed together。 Then doctors diagnose her husband with stage four terminal cancer。 What follows is as much about the death as how Woolf reconciles her conflicting emotions。The diagnosis happens just as Woolf considers whether to leave this man—the father of her four children。 Instead， she stays and cares for him， putting his intense needs ahead of hers。 She attends to the kids physically and emotionally but lets her basic needs slide。Once her husband dies， Woolf’s pendulum swings to a more balanced place。 She and the kids find unique ways to cope。 They sing and dance when it helps let their emotions flow。 And Woolf figures out how to be a single mom in the world of Tinder。 Dates—many of them—become her coping mechanism。 She gets back in touch with her womanhood and desire for intimacy and connection， even if just for brief relationships。My conclusionsWoolf is comfortable oversharing。 But it’s endearing and illustrates the genuine complexity of unexpected death after a less-than-ideal relationship。 She offers a precious and tender mothering style that’s never saccharin。 All of This is a modern take on being a young widow with young kids。When I started reading， Woolf immediately drew me into her world。 I felt the chill of the hospital ward。 The vital support of her besties。 And each of her acute feelings about events she had little control over。 However， this book isn’t a tearjerker。 Ultimately， it’s about empowerment and Woolf’s journey to regain her sense of self。Based on Woolf’s telling， I neither mourned her husband’s death nor the end of their marriage。 Instead， I felt hurt for how he forced her into his vision of a wife and caregiver。 The book is clearly her way of cleansing the demons of imbalanced marital power。 This isn’t the typical way an abusive relationship ends， which makes this memoir compelling。I recommend this if you love woman-centered memoirs that dive deep into emotions and aren’t afraid to test boundaries of “correctness。”Pair with Rachel Krantz’s Open: An Uncensored Memoir of Love， Liberation， and Non-Monogamy for the shared frank discussion of open relationships。 Or try another memoir about the journey of widowhood， like Elizabeth Alexander’s The Light of the World。AcknowledgmentsThanks to NetGalley， Harper One， and the author for a digital advanced reader’s copy in exchange for this honest review。 The expected publication date for this book is August 16， 2022。 。。。more
Janilyn Kocher
，
The author hated her husband and wanted a divorce at the time of his terminal diagnosis。 I understand the marriage was a wreck。 She boasts about her infidelity for most of it。 Then she describes her hook ups after his death。 It’s like she is looking for an absolution。This book wasn’t what I thought it would be and I struggled with it。Thanks to Harper One and NetGalley for the advance read。
Jen
，
This is a wonderfully written book that does not fit into the classic mold of "widow writes grieving memoir of the final days of her marriage"。 This is a hard and complicated story about how do you grieve for someone that you stopped even liking years ago， if you ever liked them at all？ What happens when the spouse you were about to divorce gets terminal cancer， and how do you process "late husband" instead of "ex-husband"？ It was an excellent read， one I couldn't wait to get back to when I had This is a wonderfully written book that does not fit into the classic mold of "widow writes grieving memoir of the final days of her marriage"。 This is a hard and complicated story about how do you grieve for someone that you stopped even liking years ago， if you ever liked them at all？ What happens when the spouse you were about to divorce gets terminal cancer， and how do you process "late husband" instead of "ex-husband"？ It was an excellent read， one I couldn't wait to get back to when I had to put it down， and the book attempts to be honest about who was responsible for what ugliness: a dysfunctional marriage fueled from the start by a thin line of what some might say was emotional abuse on his part， and multiple affairs on hers。 My only issue was towards the end it seems to slip into something like an apology， to him or herself I'm not sure， and I felt it detracted from power she had claimed for herself in the first three quarters。 Over all， time well spent reading and I would definitely recommend if you're looking for more women's voices to explore。Thank you， Netgalley， for providing me a free copy to review。 。。。more
Sondra Brooks
，
I found it unforgettable。 I was about to complete my own memoir at the time I read this， and was concerned that I'd been a bit brutal in my honesty。 Woolf caused me to ask if I'd been honest enough。 That women can hate the husbands they also love is not real news， but to see an author admit this was new for me。 Maybe it was coincidental。。。maybe it was timing。。。 but the effect was strong。 And the ending is masterful。 I found it unforgettable。 I was about to complete my own memoir at the time I read this， and was concerned that I'd been a bit brutal in my honesty。 Woolf caused me to ask if I'd been honest enough。 That women can hate the husbands they also love is not real news， but to see an author admit this was new for me。 Maybe it was coincidental。。。maybe it was timing。。。 but the effect was strong。 And the ending is masterful。 。。。more
Rebecca
，
Honest， beautifully written and thought provoking。 Rebecca Woolf shares what it’s like to have to play the widow when she no longer wanted to be married。 She reveals the complications that arise from the roles we are expected to play in death。 I imagine many people have who have had strained relationships with a spouse or a parent will find it comforting that the author hasn’t sugar coated the relationship。 Such a compelling read and very brave！
Candice
，
I've followed Rebecca Woolf's writing for over 15 years now and would read anything she wrote。 Her writing is engaging， drawing you in with its fierce honesty and her willingness to say what so many of us don't dare。So while I expected more of the same with this book， Woolf turns that idea on its head and tells her readers that， despite the many truths she's shared， there is a whole undercurrent， a whole life， that she has not previously shared due to perceived expectations， shame， and lonelines I've followed Rebecca Woolf's writing for over 15 years now and would read anything she wrote。 Her writing is engaging， drawing you in with its fierce honesty and her willingness to say what so many of us don't dare。So while I expected more of the same with this book， Woolf turns that idea on its head and tells her readers that， despite the many truths she's shared， there is a whole undercurrent， a whole life， that she has not previously shared due to perceived expectations， shame， and loneliness。 So， yet again， Woolf bares her soul for the reader in a way that draws you in and keeps you rapt。Many of us followed her journey online as she share how challenging motherhood and marriage are， and I remember being personally struck when she shared that she finds marriage much harder than motherhood， a sentiment I felt but hadn't read someone else share before。 In this book， she delves deeper behind the blog posts， behind the Instagram photos and writing， to detail a relationship that was incredibly complicated and toxic， but not in a way that preaches for others to examine the same。 Woolf focuses on herself and her words speak to her experience in a way that allow you to internalize them however you need to。I am looking forward to the next chapter of her life in writing as she continues to be one of the most raw and open writers of her ilk。 。。。more
Kayo
，
Wasn't expecting this。 But， so amazingly real。Thanks to author， publisher and Netgalley for the chance to read this book。 While I got the book for free， it had no bearing on the rating I gave it。 Wasn't expecting this。 But， so amazingly real。Thanks to author， publisher and Netgalley for the chance to read this book。 While I got the book for free， it had no bearing on the rating I gave it。 。。。more
Bethany Kelly
，
This was a page-turner of a memoir， gripping and brutally honest。 I tore through it。 A story of loss， love， hate， motherhood and change。 Beautiful writing， although at times it felt a bit chaotic。 The ending defies expectations of having life tied up in a nice little bow。 It's as chaotic and unraveled as the author's life。 This was a page-turner of a memoir， gripping and brutally honest。 I tore through it。 A story of loss， love， hate， motherhood and change。 Beautiful writing， although at times it felt a bit chaotic。 The ending defies expectations of having life tied up in a nice little bow。 It's as chaotic and unraveled as the author's life。 。。。more
Johanna
，
（Received an ARC of this book in exchange for my honest review。）I have followed Rebecca Woolf for years on Instagram and knew what this book would be about。 Still， it blew me away。 Her raw truth and honesty， and plain poetry made me turn page after page of this beautiful memoir。 I cannot do it justice。 It is love and hatred and renaissance and。。。 life。 I absolutely loved this book。 I'll find more words in the coming days and weeks。 For now。。。 wow。 （Received an ARC of this book in exchange for my honest review。）I have followed Rebecca Woolf for years on Instagram and knew what this book would be about。 Still， it blew me away。 Her raw truth and honesty， and plain poetry made me turn page after page of this beautiful memoir。 I cannot do it justice。 It is love and hatred and renaissance and。。。 life。 I absolutely loved this book。 I'll find more words in the coming days and weeks。 For now。。。 wow。 。。。more
Alyssa
，
“Contrary to the court of public opinion， death does not forgive us our sins。” One hell of a ride - what the fuck does one do when you are planning to get a divorce and then your husband is diagnosed with cancer？ Enter Rebecca Woolf。 This book is not going to give you a sense of peace and it is going to leave you questioning what you， or better yet， what society tells you is “right and wrong。” One thing I hope this book does is makes you stop and think before you pass judgement or give someone a “Contrary to the court of public opinion， death does not forgive us our sins。” One hell of a ride - what the fuck does one do when you are planning to get a divorce and then your husband is diagnosed with cancer？ Enter Rebecca Woolf。 This book is not going to give you a sense of peace and it is going to leave you questioning what you， or better yet， what society tells you is “right and wrong。” One thing I hope this book does is makes you stop and think before you pass judgement or give someone advice on their loss or grief。 It is not your business and it is not your place。 Maybe the best advice is to give no advice and just be present for that person。 This book will make you uncomfortable， and in that uncomfort， I think you have an opportunity to learn and grow by reading a beautifully written memoir。 。。。more
Diane Payne
，
Unfortunately， "All of This" was a bit too much about dating other people， being unhappily married most the marriage， yet having more children， and somewhat about Woolf's personal grief of not only "losing" her husband， but of her years spent with her husband。 We learn early on in the memoir that after her husband discovers he has pancreatic cancer and not much longer to live， he suggests she finally write a book not only about his death， but their marriage。 Woolf is a blogger， but I don't follo Unfortunately， "All of This" was a bit too much about dating other people， being unhappily married most the marriage， yet having more children， and somewhat about Woolf's personal grief of not only "losing" her husband， but of her years spent with her husband。 We learn early on in the memoir that after her husband discovers he has pancreatic cancer and not much longer to live， he suggests she finally write a book not only about his death， but their marriage。 Woolf is a blogger， but I don't follow her， so I don't know if she normally writes about marriage， raising kids， sex， or politics。 I'm not sure that even matters。The four children are young when their father dies， and we don't see too much of them in this memoir。 Woolf became pregnant early in their relationship， and she was young， younger than her soon to be become husband who hated condoms， yet， perhaps out of loyalty， perhaps out of some unrecognizable optimism， they have the child and marry。 As I reflect on what sticks out most in my memory after just finishing this memoir， it's her menstrual blood。 Not sure if that was an intentional metaphor or just that she bleed a lot from her IUD after her husband died， but after the IUD is replaced， the husband dead about four months， the memoir switches to her online dating， which is mostly for sex， and this continues for awhile， until we reach the end， and her daughter has her father's phone， and she discovers that her husband had contacted a masseuse because his wife really needed a massage， and she briefly ponders how he did recognize her needs， even though， apparently like much in this memoir， these slight shifts of pattern where they do seem to want to save their shitty marriage， not even the massage materialized， and they just carry on as they have for years。 。。。more
Ruby Reads
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I had never heard of this author but the book's description sounded to interesting to pass up。 I enjoyed much of it， although reading about the affairs and rationalizations felt difficult。 Yet， every chapter there was at least a passage or two that I had to underline for the insight and/or quality of writing。 Recommended if you are drawn to the story or enjoy high quality writing。 Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC。 I had never heard of this author but the book's description sounded to interesting to pass up。 I enjoyed much of it， although reading about the affairs and rationalizations felt difficult。 Yet， every chapter there was at least a passage or two that I had to underline for the insight and/or quality of writing。 Recommended if you are drawn to the story or enjoy high quality writing。 Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC。 。。。more
Beth Hommes
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Rebecca Woolf wanted a divorce。 When she is near leaving， her husband is diagnosed with end stage pancreatic cancer and she agrees to stay until he dies。 For me this book had two parts。 The first part fills in the backstory of Rebecca and her husband Hal as well as his treatments until his death。 Neither of them is especially likable but I could sympathize with Rebecca who would become a young widow with four kids。 The second part describes Rebecca’s life after Hal’s death。 I had great difficult Rebecca Woolf wanted a divorce。 When she is near leaving， her husband is diagnosed with end stage pancreatic cancer and she agrees to stay until he dies。 For me this book had two parts。 The first part fills in the backstory of Rebecca and her husband Hal as well as his treatments until his death。 Neither of them is especially likable but I could sympathize with Rebecca who would become a young widow with four kids。 The second part describes Rebecca’s life after Hal’s death。 I had great difficulty with many of the choices she made during this time。 For me parts of it were hard to read because I found her descriptions gross。 I would give Part 1 4 stars and Part 2 1。5 stars so overall it was 3 stars for me。 I thank NetGalley and the publisher for the opportunity to read this ARC。 I can not say I would recommend it。 。。。more
Sharon
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When you get pregnant for the first time， you have no idea what lies ahead of you parenting-wise。 The night before your wedding， you have no idea what all marriage entails or what it means to be a wife。 You say the vow till death do you part， and you don't know how you will deal with the death of your spouse until you have to。 Rebecca and Hal had a typical marriage。 They had four kids， a house， and good jobs that paid the bills。 They additionally resented each other at the same time。 A sexless m When you get pregnant for the first time， you have no idea what lies ahead of you parenting-wise。 The night before your wedding， you have no idea what all marriage entails or what it means to be a wife。 You say the vow till death do you part， and you don't know how you will deal with the death of your spouse until you have to。 Rebecca and Hal had a typical marriage。 They had four kids， a house， and good jobs that paid the bills。 They additionally resented each other at the same time。 A sexless marriage， affairs， and undealt with anger。 Until one night when Hal fell ill。 It started as a stomach ache and ended with a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer， stage four。 Four months later， he was gone at age 44。The memoir focuses on the four months before Hal's passing， then turns to Rebecca and how she learns to live again without a husband。 Through his illness， Rebecca comes to terms with the failed marriage， the love and hate she feels for Hal， the celebration of his life， and the forgiveness she feels for him as his life is ending。 This book is a must-read if you love memoirs。 The one-story is told by an unhappy wife in a loveless marriage who comes to terms with her husband's illness and the love/hate relationship the two had while he was alive。 Then， Rebecca found her joy after his death and learned to live again was excellent。 。。。more
Aaron
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Raw， honest and beautiful。
Jilly
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（4。5 stars out of 5） Rebecca Woolf is one of the OG of bloggers。 She wrote candidly about her unexpected pregnancy at 23 and the trials and tribulations of motherhood on Girl's Gone Child， so it shouldn't be a surprise to her long-time readers that the same candor would ground her new book All of This which is about the death of her husband Hal， who died of pancreatic cancer at 44 years old。 Woolf writes honestly about the complex emotions of caring for a husband that she fantasized about leavin （4。5 stars out of 5） Rebecca Woolf is one of the OG of bloggers。 She wrote candidly about her unexpected pregnancy at 23 and the trials and tribulations of motherhood on Girl's Gone Child， so it shouldn't be a surprise to her long-time readers that the same candor would ground her new book All of This which is about the death of her husband Hal， who died of pancreatic cancer at 44 years old。 Woolf writes honestly about the complex emotions of caring for a husband that she fantasized about leaving。 Woolf is fair in her examination of her husband， herself， and their relationship。 None are looked at through rose-colored glasses， as often happens when someone dies。 Her honesty may come as a shock to some readers， especially if they haven't read her blog （I suspect this book is going to have a much wider reading base than just her fans） because she doesn't pull punches when talking about her own choices in her marriage and in the aftermath of Hal's death。 Nor does she hide what are some very ugly revelations about her husband。 The book is a frank and earnest account of what grief looks like and how it doesn't really fit the molds we often see in popular culture。 Thank you NetGalley for the ARC of this book。 。。。more
Avid （Maria） Reader
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“Rebecca and Hal had a normal marriage。 Four kids， a house， jobs that paid the bills。 They also had resentment that sometimes teetered on hatred， years of no sex， a handful of affairs， and long-simmering anger。Then one night， Hal felt knots in his stomach。 Several doctor appointments later， he discovered he had stage four pancreatic cancer， and four months later， he was dead。 He was 44”I think I need to start writing my thoughts on a book as I go along reading because by the time I’m done I kind “Rebecca and Hal had a normal marriage。 Four kids， a house， jobs that paid the bills。 They also had resentment that sometimes teetered on hatred， years of no sex， a handful of affairs， and long-simmering anger。Then one night， Hal felt knots in his stomach。 Several doctor appointments later， he discovered he had stage four pancreatic cancer， and four months later， he was dead。 He was 44”I think I need to start writing my thoughts on a book as I go along reading because by the time I’m done I kind if feel at a standstill of how to begin。 Now this memoir wasn’t just about losing a loved one and going through the motions of grieving。 It was actually also about the author finding her true honest self， with all her flaws， and she holds nothing back。 The author dives in baring all her most inner thoughts/feelings with regards to the unhappiness of her marriage right before her husband’s diagnosis， to the somewhat “relief” she felt when he passed。 This memoir may not be for everyone， but I appreciate this author speaking her truth as she saw and felt it。 Unapologetically raw feelings， with some humor and sadness is what you will find in these pages。TW: cancer， death of a loved one， sexual assault， affairsThank you @netgalley， @harperonebooks， and author for this digital ARC in exchange for my honest review。 This book is set to publish August 16， 2022 。。。more
Rachel
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This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers。 To view it， click here。 An unflinchingly honest look at a marriage ended by death before it could be ended by divorce。If the author had not said from the beginning that this was a memoir， I would not have known。 It reads just like fiction。 There was a lot of jumping around in time within the chapters which was sometimes hard to keep up with。 It also felt like she was possibly dancing around and hinting at other abuses in her marriage besides the ones discussed which felt strange since she was brutally honest about ever An unflinchingly honest look at a marriage ended by death before it could be ended by divorce。If the author had not said from the beginning that this was a memoir， I would not have known。 It reads just like fiction。 There was a lot of jumping around in time within the chapters which was sometimes hard to keep up with。 It also felt like she was possibly dancing around and hinting at other abuses in her marriage besides the ones discussed which felt strange since she was brutally honest about every other aspect of her life。 。。。more
April Peveteaux
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I cannot stop thinking about this beautiful and tragic book。 I know Rebecca， and I knew Hal and I know this story。 In spite of this （or because of？） I couldn't stop reading Rebecca's hypnotic and powerful words surrounding her life before， with， and after Hal。 Thanks for giving us truth。 I cannot stop thinking about this beautiful and tragic book。 I know Rebecca， and I knew Hal and I know this story。 In spite of this （or because of？） I couldn't stop reading Rebecca's hypnotic and powerful words surrounding her life before， with， and after Hal。 Thanks for giving us truth。 。。。more
nicole
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Received an ARC in exchange for an honest review。 Oof， as a long time Girl’s Gone Child reader， this was such a hard one to give a star rating。 It was so sad to read the reality behind the internet veneer。 But that was what I came to it for， I guess。 That and just how effortless readable her writing is。
Kristen Morris
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